So since I will be a wife soon enough, I have been thinking about what being a good wife means. I have a friend that got an ipad and jewelry for "working so hard at being a good wife." Now to me sometimes I dont understand what that means...
Does being a good wife mean doing everything around the house, like cleaning, cooking, picking up after your husband, making sure the house is sparkling every minute of every day, taking care of the kids, and working a full time job?? All the while your husband just works his 40 hours a week and comes home to sit and watch tv, or go out fishing/ hunting, or going to play video games til dark, and he just gets to live like a king. Or is being a good wife, keeping your husband happy in bed, staying in shape and looking good for your husband, and always having a smiling face and a kiss for him when he walks through the door??
I personally think that some of these things are for sure ways of being a good wife, but I was always taught that being in a marriage is working together as partners. If one is having a hard day or a bad week the other is suppose to pick up the slack and help more if needed. Now I understand that the "wife" title does come with responsibilities that are unspoken, but really is that what we are suppose to follow by or can we try to work together as a relationship.
I hardly even get a thank you, or you've been doing great, or good job, or any compliments like that. I know that I may not being doing all that I could be doing for my husband to be, but I'm not a slob. Our house is pretty clean most of the time other than the few bills that may pile up the dinning table, or the dishes in the sink, but over all our house is clean. I dont just sit on my butt and watch tv all day and eat and get fat. I mostly try to embrace my fiance's hobbies and have actually learned to enjoy most of them. But sometimes I still feel like I'm not being the "good wife" that he thinks I should be. I feel as though he thinks I should be all those things I listed above. That's hard for me to swallow sometimes, because I was brought up to be a strong, independent woman, and in relationships you are suppose to work as partners together to accomplish things. I love doing things together. Like cooking: him preparing and cooking the meat, and i would get together the sides and drinks. But that hardly even actually happens. I LOVE going hunting with him beside me, pointing out animals, and other nature sounds, being in the stand together, him coaching me and telling me exactly when to release or pull the trigger. Yet again, now that never happens, cause he wants to be in his own stand so that he can get a deer, drops me off somewhere I'm not familiar with and leave me there alone, knowing I get freaked out in the dark or whatever. I just LOVE to do things with my fiance TOGETHER, and usually now it doesn't happen, and if it does happen, there is always other people there, we can never just do something by ourselves... together. I dont know why either. It makes me sad but nothing I can really do I guess.
Now, dont get me wrong, I DO LOVE my husband to be with all my heart, and really the whole reason of this today is because I do want to make him happy and be that "good wife" that he wants me to be. Its just hard for me to know where to even start and if I do the things he wants, if he is going to say something smartass about it or not believe that I do actually want to do those things for him. I would also like for him to be a "good husband" every now and again. Like go out of his way to plan a dinner for us, surprise me with some flowers here and there, take me out just because I've been working so hard. Things like that. I dont really think I'm asking too much or for it to be all the time, just here or there, to show me he does see the things I do for him and our family, and to let me know that he loves me and appreciates me. Thats all I really want is the loving relationship that we both so desperately want and need and for us both to be amazingly happy with each other and our life together.
So, for now I am going to start doing more of the "good wife" things he wants and make sure I show him more affection and attention and see where that goes. If there is any other advice please let me know. I want my husband to be to really be happy with us and our life and know that we can stay strong now matter what happens.
Most men of our generation grew up with working mothers. When women started working, someone forgot to mention that the workload at home should change a little bit, too. So most boys grew up seeing their moms work all day AND take care of everything at home. Shoot, half of them (including mine) grew up with single mothers who literally did EVERYTHING. It's no wonder they "expect" so much from us. What any old couple will tell you is that it's all about communication. You've heard this a million times, but that's because it's the truth. Say what you mean, don't hold things in, don't expect mind-reading. Speak with love, but don't sugar-coat things or say what you think he wants to hear, that will just come back to bite you. Say what you mean, and say it in plain English, boys don't speak girl.. well most of them don't. Tell him what you like and what you need from him and ask him what he likes and what he feels he needs from you. Find a balance that works for you both.
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